August 25, 2019
Well, today will be my first day staying at Matt's that isn't because we watched a late movie, or something of the sort. I'm actually staying here staying here. It's weird telling my parents that, and I honestly about cried when my dad told me to "not mess it up." I don't even know why I got into my feelings. I guess because I haven't actually moved in with someone in a really long time, and it's a little bit terrifying still. We're looking at buying houses, but it's a little bit different when no part of this is actually *my* place, and at any time he could change his mind.
We ate at my parents today, and my cats have seemed to have been adjusting well, which is good. One of his cats seems to be doing good with it, but the other one not so much. it's still really surreal leaving my parents house where I've been the past 2 years because it seems like that became part of my identity, and when I'd met Matt, felt like that I had accepted the fact that I'd probably be with my parents for the next couple of years, despite how shitty of a situation it was for my cats.
Anyway, I'm still not incredibly hopeful on the home search. We've established it needs to be 95k or below, and finding something *decent* in that price range that isn't in the damn middle ghetto of Jeff City, is going to be difficult as hell. It's nerve wracking knowing this, honestly. I'm probably going to continue to bitch about it for the next year, because I'm sure it'll take around that time for some shit to happen. I wish I had a better paying job, so then I could help out more in regards to a mortgage payment, etc.
I also feel like getting a house will moreso solidify the fact that I know this is the relationship that I was meant to be in for the rest of my life. There're some little things that peeve me sometimes, but it's honestly the stupidest of things that peeves me, that it really shouldn't. Matt is honestly just my person. It just sucks that I wish I could be more financially stable for him so that we could get something much nicer.
I just keep beating myself up over things, but at least now we'll be able to spend more time with each other, so hopefully that will make things better. but we shall see. I'm just being a downer, which sucks, but I'm not sure how else to feel right now.
Brightside: Pascal's at home, and is such a good boy and it makes me just wanna cry.
We ate at my parents today, and my cats have seemed to have been adjusting well, which is good. One of his cats seems to be doing good with it, but the other one not so much. it's still really surreal leaving my parents house where I've been the past 2 years because it seems like that became part of my identity, and when I'd met Matt, felt like that I had accepted the fact that I'd probably be with my parents for the next couple of years, despite how shitty of a situation it was for my cats.
Anyway, I'm still not incredibly hopeful on the home search. We've established it needs to be 95k or below, and finding something *decent* in that price range that isn't in the damn middle ghetto of Jeff City, is going to be difficult as hell. It's nerve wracking knowing this, honestly. I'm probably going to continue to bitch about it for the next year, because I'm sure it'll take around that time for some shit to happen. I wish I had a better paying job, so then I could help out more in regards to a mortgage payment, etc.
I also feel like getting a house will moreso solidify the fact that I know this is the relationship that I was meant to be in for the rest of my life. There're some little things that peeve me sometimes, but it's honestly the stupidest of things that peeves me, that it really shouldn't. Matt is honestly just my person. It just sucks that I wish I could be more financially stable for him so that we could get something much nicer.
I just keep beating myself up over things, but at least now we'll be able to spend more time with each other, so hopefully that will make things better. but we shall see. I'm just being a downer, which sucks, but I'm not sure how else to feel right now.
Brightside: Pascal's at home, and is such a good boy and it makes me just wanna cry.
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