"Adulting"

Well, today will be my first day staying at Matt's that isn't because we watched a late movie, or something of the sort. I'm actually staying here staying here. It's weird telling my parents that, and I honestly about cried when my dad told me to "not mess it up." I don't even know why I got into my feelings. I guess because I haven't actually moved in with someone in a really long time, and it's a little bit terrifying still. We're looking at buying houses, but it's a little bit different when no part of this is actually *my* place, and at any time he could change his mind. We ate at my parents today, and my cats have seemed to have been adjusting well, which is good. One of his cats seems to be doing good with it, but the other one not so much. it's still really surreal leaving my parents house where I've been the past 2 years because it seems like that became part of my identity, and when I'd met Matt, felt like that I had

It's been nearly a full year since I've written anything on this blog, even though I titled it "adulting" I was far from actually adulting. I accepted a job at a place that I shouldn't have at the end of 2018. It was something that I did because I wanted to get out of the current position that I was in, and I just wanted any way out of it, ASAP. It only caused me stress and heartache, and I feel like I have to constantly update everything on here LOL. I was keeping a paper journal for awhile, but that's when I was at my parent's house, and the only person that ever walked into my bedroom was me. Maybe someday I'll end up putting them somewhere else from what I wrote on those papers, but we'll see. It does help, more mentally, to be able to write my feelings and what is currently on my mind. Which I don't feel like I'm able to get out in other ways, because I'm not the best with my words typically. Anyway... I officially (but not

I hope everyone's holiday season has been the best that they've hoped that it can be. For me, it's been one of the crappiest times. I've been in a weird funk the last couple of weeks, and it isn't fun. I'm honestly not sure why, either, but it's a real low right now, and I don't like it. I've just been rolling with the punches recently, and things in my life aren't going for the best right now. There're 11 days until Christmas, and everyone else is excitedly going on and on about how they can't wait until they see what they get from their significant other. Can't wait until they can go see the Christmas lights with their significant other, etc. Here I am. I guess the holiday season always gets me in my feelings because every holiday season has been pretty shitty for me recently. I haven't had a consistent, decent, holiday since 2014, and I'm going to continue the bad streak of holiday's for what feels like the rest of

25 has been an incredibly weird age for me. It really has been. When I turned 25, I realized I'd been living with my parents for more than a year at that point. I took off of work so that I could spend time with myself, but maybe even my family. My birthday was on a Thursday, and it led to me sitting at home by myself with my parents, we went out to eat real quick, and that was it. There wasn't anyone "special" I got a happy birthday from, other than my family, of course, but there honestly hasn't really ever been. I feel like I'm behind. Someone would probably insert one of those inspirational quotes right now about how "God has a plan for you," but I feel like God's plan for me right now is for me to be a nun. Take a vow of silence, and blog my life instead, like that nun on Shameless. I'm sure God would like that, in some version. Instead of me crying out for anything, any sign of redemption of my life, only to be disappointed. To be h

I've been a lot in my feelings here lately, which Drake casually is all the time and everyone thinks it's funny, but when I'm in my feelings, I'm labeled a dramatic bitch. Anyway. This is literally just going be a blog about me venting my feelings because I'm upset as shit. I'll probably be crying by the end of this, too, it's fine. Let's go with our first situation. I've been really into Lauv here lately. Probably because a majority of the songs are incredibly relatable. The one that hit me the deepest was Never Not. "There's a room in my heart with the memories we made. Took 'em down, but they're still in their frames. There's no way I could ever forget.  For as long as I live, and as long as I love, I will never not think about you. No matter what ever I'll do, I will never not think about you.....didn't we have fun, looking back." I think we can all relate to that song at some point in our lives. It's s

So.... I figured I'd start a new blog, because a lot has changed in my life since the last time I've blogged. I honestly can't even remember what the last thing I blogged was, because it's been so long and my life the past 3 years has been really shifty and all over the place. SO let's start with where I was 3 years ago in life. Flashback to November 2015. I was nervous, as I was getting ready to graduate in December, and I felt like I didn't live my college career as I should've. I started going to house parties with my boyfriend at the time, and realized that I missed out on a lot because I was spending time with him instead of spending time with individuals in my cohort along with my friends.  I realized, also, that I was falling out of love with him, but was unsure how to say it. I was doing an internship that was required as part of my schooling, and I really enjoyed it, but for some reason, I was still in my shell. I was nervous about opening mys